Did you know you were made just for me, by a God whose work is mighty and ever so powerful? He did not miss one detail when He chose YOU to heal my hurts! Did you know your unique personality, demeanor, character and your gentile spirit would heal wounds that were believed by me to never heal? Did you know you would be this loved, cared for and adored; and did you know your faithful endurance would be recognized by the people who love me the most in this life?
I questioned going to K9s For Warriors and receiving a service dog. I thought I didn’t need you, and that another Veteran needed you MORE. I was wrong, JJ. I know you don’t understand these words, but you understand my heart and these tears as they stream down my face. You empowered me to BREATHE again, to LET GO, to LIVE, to HOPE and to FEEL such tender moments again. These moments were just passing me by, I was so stuck in my trauma that I was just letting LIFE go, like a movie playing on a screen in front of me, because that was my “new normal” and I HAD to embrace it, right? Boy was I wrong, you allowed me to see it didn’t have to be like that.
Did you hear mt teenage son say to me, “Mom, he makes you HAPPY!” did you know how painfully beautiful those words were to my soul? To feel and show pleasure in something! So many people take being happy for granted. I know I used too before PTSD. Happy was my normal. I LOVED life! I loved breathing, living and feeling. So when those things were no longer valued by my spirit, naturally I wanted to die.
This is where some people reading this open letter to you NEVER understand, JJ. That is OK now with me. I don’t want them to understand, because that means their life has never been pulled from beneath them, leaving them hopeless on the floor below them. God calls His strongest Warriors for His toughest BATTLES and although I lay hopeless before, it was then God was refining me! You, JJ, helped remove those impurities while I was still there, low and feeling alone. I stand taller today, JJ. Not because it’s been years or because I’ve done art therapy, and countless modalities to heal my hurt, but because you stand alongside me, ready to hear my cries, or hear my laughter. I am not alone anymore. I have YOU, JJ. You help me let go and hope with each new day!
I love you big guy!