“Jay Conner’s Top 10 Persuasive Words and Phrases” – Jay Conner

Not long ago, one of my friends told me that a person’s quality of life is determined by the quality of their communication. Good communication is the key to persuading people to listen, and that conversation with my friend incentivized me to pay more attention to the way I speak to my clients, employees, and business partners. For a few weeks, I listened closely to my own conversations to see what I could learn.

When I sat down at the end of my experiment, I realized that I have 10 go-to words and phrases I use to evoke engagement, get people to communicate with me, and encourage them to open up. These are what I use to get sellers and buyers into what I call the “yes state,” where they’re more likely to agree to do something for me.

1. Request

It’s almost impossible to say no to someone when they ask a question that is as polite as, “May I make a request?” Even better, once the person you’re chatting with inevitably says yes, to your question, they’ll enter the “yes state” and be more likely to agree to the next thing you ask.

2. Suggestion

“Suggestion” is a powerful word. So is asking someone, “May I make a suggestion?” The beauty of it is that you’re not asking for a commitment — you’re just asking the person to hear you out. This can advance the conversation without making you seem pushy.

3. May I

As you might have noticed, I’m a big fan of using the phrase “may I” to begin a question. This is a great way to take control of a group conversation in a polite way and ensure your perspective is heard.

4. Let’s process this together

I used this phrase just the other day when I was visiting with a seller. I wasn’t quite clear about what was important to them in the discussion, so I asked if we could process it together. Then, I summarized what I thought they wanted. This got us on the same page.

5. Unpack

Asking someone to unpack what they’ve said or “dive a bit deeper” is a great way to encourage them to rephrase what they want to accomplish and help you understand them better.

6. May I get back to you?

When a buyer or seller asks me for something during a negotiation that I don’t necessarily want to give, this is my go-to response. It’s more friendly and accommodating than an outright no, and it gives you the opportunity to assess the situation and process your response. As a bonus, there’s always a chance the person you’re negotiating with will reach out to you while you’re processing and give you what you want. It’s certainly happened to me more than once!

7. Choose

It’s a lot nicer to have choices than ultimatums. Instead of forcing a seller or buyer to agree to work with you, give them a choice with a question. Ask, “Is it fair to say we’d both like to do business together?” or “Can we set aside the option of not working together and figure out how we can work together?”

8. Partnership

When I’m talking with private lenders, I always remind them that we’re partnering together. This puts us on the same team and implies a long-term relationship. I’ll also double down on it by asking, “Is having a partnership for many years something that is of value to you?” They always answer “yes,” because people are interested in long-term business relationships.

9. Discover

My team and I use this word all the time. Specifically, we use it when we’re discussing discovery calls, which are the first conversations we have with potential partners or clients. The word “discover” shows that you’re willing to learn about the person you’re talking to and figure out how working together can benefit both of you. “May we schedule a discovery call?” is a great question to ask any new contact or potential business partner.

10. Explore

“Explore” is a powerful tool in your conversational arsenal. Right after the discovery process, I love to use the phrase, “Let’s explore this.” You can use this phrase to lead into a recap of what you learned during the discovery process and paint a positive picture of what the future could look like if you worked together.

While these 10 words and phrases can work wonders, there are two additional things that will be a massive help in improving the quality of your communication: minding your manners and saying your conversational partner’s name.

Just as your parents taught you, “please” and “thank you” can be pure magic! I use these words in person, on the phone, and even over text. This is a way of showing the person you’re talking to that you genuinely respect them and their time, and it always pays off.

Using the name of the person you’re talking to in the conversation is another game-changer that will immediately make you seem like their friend. As Dale Carnegie said, “Remember that a person’s name is, to that person, the sweetest and most important sound in any language.”

All of these magic words and phrases will work with homebuyers, off-market sellers, lenders, and even your friends and family. When you incorporate them into your daily repertoire, I guarantee more people will like, trust, and want to do business with you.